Have a read here – the first few pages of the book!
Chapter 1
I can say with a great deal of authority that saying no will help you live a better life. If you’re the type of person who can’t say no, takes on too much, helps everyone at any cost, is a perfectionist, or workaholic, then this book is for you. You don’t want to end up like I did, with a life-threatening disease, and that’s what you may do if you don’t learn to say no more often and don’t learn to set healthy boundaries with the people you know and love. Why? If you’re doing too much, feeling exhausted or suffering burnout, like 75% of us are, then you’re more likely to be experiencing chronic stress. If you’re experiencing chronic stress, then I have bad news for you. When you are experiencing chronic stress your body has to produce increased amounts of the adrenal hormone cortisol. If you are consistently producing higher amounts of cortisol, this damages your brain, and is directly linked to weight gain. That’s why you might have a stress belly; it’s probably not the food you’re eating, it’s the high amount of cortisol your body has to produce because you are exhausted and stressed. When you produce higher amounts of cortisol, this increases your blood sugars. Your elevated blood sugar now requires more insulin, and, according to Dr. Bakker, this promotes the accumulation of fat. Your increased insulin levels also tell your body not to release any stored fat, which makes it hard for you to lose any weight. So there’s a great motivation to learn how to set more boundaries—reduce your stress and reach your ideal weight! There are many other benefits to setting healthy boundaries which you will learn about.
Saying no easily when you want to is an example of setting a healthy boundary, and it’s a skill you need to master, so you live a great life. Learning how to set healthy boundaries will ensure you enjoy optimum health, happiness, and don’t end up suffering burnout. The reason I have written this book is, unfortunately, I had to learn the hard way, as for most of my life, I had no respect for myself, pushed myself over my limits, and was a perfectionist. I couldn’t say no to anyone’s request for help, and it took a life-threatening disease for me to embark on a journey of falling in love with myself and making myself the movie star in my life and not just the extra. You are going to learn how to make yourself the movie star in your life by learning how to set healthy boundaries in all areas.
I am the queen of setting healthy boundaries, and saying no easily now. This didn’t come easy for me. I realized after being diagnosed with a life-threatening disease that I had to change my crazy behavior of working 10 hours a day, going to the gym, being a volunteer Lifeline counselor, and rushing through each day like it was an Olympic medal race. My body did say a big “No” for me and I had to humbly learn my lessons and change my crazy behavior of taking on too much, and not respecting my body’s needs. How did I do that? I realized the only way to change my behavior was to reprogram myself. I love Einstein’s saying that “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result”. I knew that I had to do something different, or I would end up dead!!
If you don’t commit to reprogramming yourself, you can have all the best intentions, but long-lasting change in your behavior will be very challenging. Why? If you want to change your behavior, you need to start with your beliefs and attitudes that control your behavior automatically when you are not present, which is over 95% of the time. Yes, most people are not present 95% of the time, meaning they live their life on autopilot. If you are living your life on autopilot, then your current beliefs are controlling your behavior. Change them and you will change your life.
Here’s an example, so you understand how difficult changing your behavior actually is: You may have just read a book about the importance of diet or sleep, and really be motivated to start to eat well and clean up your sleep habits; however, after a short period of time, what will happen is when you are not present (95% of the time for most people) you will revert to your old behavior patterns of eating a poor diet and not making sleep a priority. If you want to truly change, you have to start with the beliefs that are currently controlling your behavior and change them. Change them and you can change your life. I knew I had to change my beliefs, as they were completely sabotaging me. I was exhausted, tired, stressed, sick, and at one stage pretty close to death. It was change my beliefs or suffer even more. I knew I needed to create new, more supportive beliefs, like the ones below:
- I am worthy of love and respect
- I love and respect myself
- I love to set boundaries with the people I know and love
- I love to be true to myself
- I am the number one priority in my life
- I am in love with taking care of my mind, body, and spirit
The only way I could embrace the beliefs above was by having firm boundaries with both myself and other people. Without firm boundaries, you end up saying yes when you want to say no. You lose respect for yourself, you end up taking on too much and feeling exhausted, or going into toxic relationships, eating too much, and sabotaging yourself in some way. When you don’t have firm boundaries with yourself and others, you let yourself down. Learning how to set boundaries is a skill you can use to turn your life around. Saying No Can Help You Live a Better Life outlines the practical strategies you can use to set healthy boundaries, with lots of real-life examples. If you’re feeling like your life is out of control, then this book will help you to take back control and enjoy your life.
If you’re struggling to get on top of things, feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, sick, and gaining weight, then you may need to learn how to set more healthy boundaries and say no more often. The big change in my life came after reading a book by Dr. Gabor Mate called When the Body Says No. This was a major wake-up call for me, as he described people who could not say no took on too much in their life, and ended up with a variety of life-threatening diseases. I could literally see myself in this book. Dr. Mate looked after his patients during palliative care, and he states that in important areas of their life they were unable to say no. He cites the example of a woman called Mary who had scleroderma, and even in her dying days, felt responsible for everyone in her life. I did not want to end up like that, and that’s why I learned how to set healthy boundaries and take back control of my life.
Do you feel responsible for everyone in your life? Feeling responsible for everyone in your life is a signal that you may have an unhealthy emotional coping style, and don’t have sufficient boundaries to ensure you get your needs met. This book was written to help you realize you need to fall in love with taking care of yourself. There is only one of you, and you are completely responsible for your life and the results you manifest. You are more powerful than you can imagine. You have the power to change your life for the better. Being able to set healthy boundaries will give you a better life, as you will have more time for the necessary ingredients that make for a healthy, well-balanced life, like getting enough sleep, exercise, connection, love, and access to healthy foods. These necessary ingredients are sometimes in short supply if you are too busy and don’t have enough boundaries in your life.
This book will be available on the 27th April- pre order on Amazon.com.au and Amazon.com.Saying No Can Help You Live a Better Life
